I tried to cook again today. I even wore the cute apron my best friend gave me for my birthday last year. I imagined I was a cute 50's wife with my hair all dolled up and beautiful. I pictured a spotless house with the table set and the oven timer sounding just as my incredibly handsome husband arrived home from work. Beautiful dream...Isn't it? Too bad my hair isn't fixed and I'm wearing sweat pants. Oh...and I almost forgot! It would be nice if I knew how to cook.
After a long two days of interviewing, I decided it would be nice if I made supper for my honey for once. My mind raced through easy but delightfully healthy meals that I could fix my husband in a crock pot. I landed on a whole chicken. How hard could that be? Well, I'm afraid it is EASY. I still had to call my mom.
Me-"Mom, what is the difference between table salt and kosher salt?
Mom-"Nothing...it's just a fancier type of salt."
Me-"Good...cause I already put it in the chicken...bye..gotta go... Love you!"
Me again.."Oh shoot...I was supposed to mix all of the spices together before I lathered the chicken in spices....now I have a spotty paprika, salted, Italian seasoned chicken with half of its skin hanging off (I got sick of trying to peel the skin off half way through). Maybe if I try to spread the spices around with this wooden spoon....gosh darn it...this isn't working either....why the HECK didn't they give me instructions to mix the spices together BEFORE instead of AFTER the list of ingredients....stupid recipe writers....hmmmmph...I'll just turn the crock pot on high...hopefully that will work."
Mmmm...bon appetit' my handsome husband! Hope you like your half skinned, spotty chicken I slaved away at!! I love you Joel!
