...But...Grace

Have you ever felt like you need to continually explain yourself?  For example, I find myself saying.."Well, I would have called earlier...but..."
or
"I would be working more hours.....but..."
 and
"I would be in better shape....but..."
"I'd have more friends if I hadn't just moved...and"
"My house would be cleaner if...."
"I'd be smarter if...."
"I would have worked out and ate better today if..."
"I'd be a nicer person if..."
"I'd be a GREAT wife....if..."
I find myself trying to prove myself to myself, my husband and worst of all,  I unconsciously try to show God that I am "capable."  Why do I do this?

I think it's my lack of knowledge of God's grace.  I guilt myself into doing things all of the time so I can "feel  like" I'm "a better Christian."  This is such the antithesis of the theology of the Bible.  How did I get like this?  Why do I feel like "I" need to make myself be a better person.

I'm reading "What's So Amazing About Grace?" by Phillip Yancey.  A friend recommended it to me while I was in college.  Honestly, I perused through it so she would quit asking me about it. (sorry, Jessica!) I totally missed the point of the book.  My husband suggested I read it again this summer.  It's as though I am reading something completely different.  I am beginning to understand that I really don't know what grace is.  Scary thought..huh.

My old church in Norfolk and the book I'm currently reading has showed me how extremely mixed up I've been.  If I have believed in God's grace all of these years...why haven't I lived like it?  Why am I still trying to explain my deficits to God, my husband and myself?  Why do I keep trying to just make myself be a better person?  Why am I still plagued with anxiety about my life and my personal merit?  I'm still weighing through all of this.

I believe in salvation.  I believe in God.  I'm still trying to figure out why it's hard for me, and presumably other people, to accept God's grace AFTER we confess our sins.  I know I CAN'T personally make myself be a better person....but it's in my nature to try.

Whew...this is such a hard topic to wrap my brain around....even though I would have said I completely understood it when I was 16.

So, share your thoughts folks.  I know you are out there...I have a google analytics account! :)

If THIS Doesn't Convince You NOT To Smoke.....

We bought a new car last Saturday.  It was used, but only had 27,000 miles on it.  It was also smoked in.  Joel and I didn't think that was a HUGE deal.  Well...it's been five days since we bought the car.  I've vacuumed, scattered baking soda, used bacteria eating odor spray, vacuumed some more, but to no avail.    Today, I decided I would try cleaning the interior with vinegar and water mixed in a spray bottle.  I lightly sprayed the concoction on material portion of the seat.  Then I wiped it down with a microfiber rag.  After a few wipes, I decided I needed to rinse my rag. The picture above shows the water I rinsed my rag with twice.  *Note*-I only cleaned a small portion of our car before rinsing the rag*  How disgusting!

Our Crazy Pooch at the Park

Lately, we've been taking Maddie to different parks around our area.  She sticks her head out the window no matter how fast we are going.  Sometimes I wonder if she blinks. 

Trying to skip rocks

New Jersey is really beautiful

I always tell Joel that I need to take some pictures of him....somehow it doesn't happen very often.

Twiddling My Thumbs...

I found out that I can't start my job until September 12th due to the fact we are traveling to MN at the beginning of August.  Yikes.  I'm still applying for other part-time jobs at local hospitals, but I'm getting a bit antsy.  Here's what I've been doing lately.

1).  I categorized my cleaning chores into daily, weekly and monthly lists and strictly follow it.
2).  I started cooking...I'm like a REAL wife now.  Joel thinks my meatloaf is the best he has ever had!
3).  I work out at the gym.
4).  I walk Maddie.
5).  I read.
6).  I think about how I should call people....I'm really not a phone person.
7).  I tell myself that I'll miss all this free time in the future.

hmm...never thought I'd be so excited to go back to work.

New Job

I'm officially hired! I'll be working per diem in the post acute care unit in a local long term care center.  I'm sure it will be quite different from what I am used to.  Apparently, I don't have to do admits/discharges, IV starts or even call the doctor when I'm really busy?! (The charge nurse calls for me? What?) Can this be true?  Guess I'll find out when I start in September.

NYC!

We definitely look like mother/daughter.  This is at the end of our trip.  I think the hot sun wore us out! and no I didn't cut my hair...it's pulled behind my ears...

Our view from the top of the "rock."

We took a ferry across the river to get from NJ to NYC

Yep, we're definitely related. 

Last week, while Joel was at an adminstrator's conference, my mom came and visited me!  She helped me clean my garage, find my way around NJ and even played lots of scrabble.  When Joel came back from his conference, we took her to NYC.  We chose the hottest day ever (it was over 100 degrees), but we still had lots of fun. 

I'm the Nerdiest!

Admit it.  You've seen these at the grocery store and wondered if they actually work.  I love my swiffer, but my feet cover more ground much more frequently than a piece of cloth attached to a stick ever will.  Thus, I decided to try these babies out.  My lower extremities also get very cold! (This was a point of contention early on in our marriage...apparently, it's not okay to stick your ice cold feet on your hubbies very warm ones) Now, I get the best of both worlds.  Warm feet and clean floors.  Who could ask for more?